Christopher Belmont Sucks

(Click here to read all about his misdeeds on Gaming Rebellion)

Alright. I’ve had a few days to calm down and listen to some of the discourse of my fellow Castlevania fans over on Facebook, but my opinion still stands: Christopher Belmont is the absolute worst!

At best, the guy allowed Dracula to escape after his first venture by not ensuring that the Count was vanquished. At worst, he put his only son in imminent danger by throwing a massive coming-of-age party to herald in the new generation of vampire hunter. Dude may as well have thrown up a beacon for Drac to reek havoc and endanger the Belmont bloodline, which of course he did!

Through gross neglect, Christopher ultimately has to rescue his son Soleiyu in Castlevania II: Belmont’s Revenge, and finish the job that he should have completed 15 years earlier. Luckily for us, the players, this title was technologically miles ahead of its predecessor, but canonically, would not have had to occur if Christopher simply finished what he began.

For those who may not know, the now publicly (or just me) proclaimed “Worst Belmont Ever” has respectively appeared in Castlevania Adventure, Castlevania II: Belmont’s Revenge, and Castlevania Adventure ReBirth, all of which are excellent additions to the series in my honest opinion. Even the retroactively lambasted former includes its own shining moments, even if Christopher moves like he’s made of rusty wire and has all the attack power of a flaming toothpick.

Even I must admit that if i were to possess the ability to shoot fireballs from my whip, I’d be pretty amazed. However, when compared to his kinsmen, it’s hardly something to write home about. No wonder he failed on so many levels! :-/

If you’re left scratching your head and ready to rip my clowny ass a new one, feel free to pop over to Gaming Rebellion and bring your A-game. I’d love to hear what you think.

Thanks for stopping by, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!

(And a BIG THANKS to the graphical wizards over at Gaming Rebellion for the awesome header images. You folks RULE!)

Did you know that I played and beat Castlevania Adventure ReBirth for Summer Brutality 2017? Read my play-by-play and watch the video here!

Curious about what other annual livestream events I hold? There’s Summer Brutality, Fright Fest, and Fxck Black Friday!